 ne of my readers recently wrote a letter
to the editor saying that I should be cloned. At first I wasn't sure if
I should be insulted or just amused. After thinking about it for awhile,
I realized that Diane Fantacone of Vista is a genius, and in fact we should
both be cloned.
 Maybe I'm biased, but I do think
the world would be a much better place if there were hundreds of Bobs asking
people to look at the role they play in the destruction of the planet. But
after some reflection I decided that was way too excessive. Hell, I have
a problem with people having two kids having a hundred is insane. What Ms.
Fantacone has brought to my attention is the answer to overpopulation. We
are talking Zero Population Growth. Not only are we talking about an end
to the population problem, we can also end the crime of the inheritance
tax. We could put a stop to the needless butt kissing of greedy relatives
waiting for you to kick the bucket. Most convincing, however, is that this
could be the answer for the religiously inclined wishing to avoid SEX. Here
is how it works.
First, you sock away some DNA while
you're young and healthy. Next, you set up a trust fund for your future
self. Once that is completed, you will need to amass a small fortune, which
should be easy because you have decided not to have kids. Now if your siblings
are like mine, they will have plenty of children or grandchildren to choose
your next parent from. As you help raise this child, shower them with gifts,
take them to Europe basically, make them your friend which will come in
handy when they are up all night bottle feeding you.
Note: you do not want to have your
own child raising your clone. First of all, it is redundant and second,
revenge is never pretty.
Next comes the paper work. Besides
all the legal mumbo jumbo that you will need to wade through to make sure
you get what's coming to you namely all your money and stuff you will also
need to keep a detailed diary so that you can read what you have already
accomplished. Personally, I am going to make this column and everything
I have ever written required reading. Momentum is everything! Having me
read me is totally Twilight Zone. Picture if you will a boy reading the
works of the man he was. I should also include all my television appearances
so I will know what hair styles to avoid.
If we could have given John Muir,
Rachel Carson or Aldo Leopold a second shot, maybe we wouldn't be in the
awful mess we are in.
Folks, what we are talking about
here is technological reincarnation. Now, I know some of you are saying,
"Slow down bucko, I thought you were a Luddite." Relax folks,
we have just got to be honest. Technology is here to stay so we must turn
it away from the dark side. Let us not forget that even Yoda knew how to
use a light saber. Using technology to address overpopulation is good, and
no, I am not talking about Nagasaki, napalm, and nicotine. All over the
world the DNA of species are being preserved as a last ditch effort against
extinction. Sad yet necessary. I figure there is room for Diana and me in
the Techno Ark.
Anthropologically speaking, this
is a perfect example of a mammalian effort to insure that DNA is passed
on. Oh sure, it's not as glamorous as impregnating as many women as possible,
or having a harem of female impalas at your beck and call, but at least
you will always know what color to paint the nursery.
The old saying, "If only I could
do it all over again," is starting to look plausible. Dolly was cloned.
Does anyone remember the name of the clone? Recently I heard that ProBio
America of Honolulu has cloned 50 mice from the same animal; if they hurry,
they could probably clone Don Ho.
Here's an idea. I am going to initiate the first official Observations from the Edge survey. I request that all San Diego Earth Times readers send me a list of the 10 people you would most like to see cloned and why. In a future column I will share my findings. I can be reached here at the paper or by email at observations home.com. Do you think it is too late to clone John Denver?  | 
